Sunday, September 11, 2016

Applause! Applause! Review of Back To School With The Calamari Sisters at Studio Theatre Long Island by Dr. Thomas Robert Stevens

This review of Back To School With The Calamari Sisters at Studio Theatre Long Island was written by Dr. Thomas Robert Stevens and published in Volume X, Issue 6 (2016) of the online edition of Applause! Applause!

Back To School With The Calamari Sisters
Created by Jay Falzone, Dan Lavender & Stephen Smith
With Jay Falzone (Delphine) & Stephen Smith (Carmela)
Studio Theatre Long Island
141 South Wellwood Avenue
Lindenhurst, New York
Reviewed 9/10/16  

The Calamari Sisters are back at Studio Theatre Long Island every Saturday through the end of October presenting Back To School With The Calamari Sisters. Delphine and Carmela Calamari were last in Lindenhurst, New York in December with A Little Christmas With The Calamari Sisters. Culinary school is back in session and Antipasto, Pasta & Cannoli are on the lesson plan. Delphine  loves her meat, especially sausage, and Carmela is the sluttier of the two fictitious, religious sisters from Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. Jay Falzone plays Delphine, the conservatively dressed, practical older sister, while Stephen Smith is Carmela, who longs to be the "Teacher's Pet" and tells straight men attending their dinner parties"to feel free to stay late." This lively show features dance numbers, jokes, audience interaction, cooking instructions and information about their extended Italian family. I brought my Italian mother to the show and she loved it! I think you will find this 75-minute, hilarious escape from reality to be well worth the $35.00 advance ticket price ($40.00 at the door). 

Delphine & Carmela Calamari are part of the Bay Ridge Culinary Community. They started on this journey of presenting musical cooking lessons after airing their internet show Mangia Italiano, the first episode of which was entitled "Screw The Gym. Pass The Lasagna." There were some wonderful musical numbers presented throughout the show but my favorites were "Be Our Guest" and "The Pasta Buffet Song." Many funny stories were relayed. I will share two of them with you. The first involves Rocco Jr. and Marie, who were living together as roommates. Rocco's mom was not happy about the arrangement and Rocco assured her they were not sleeping together and were just friends. One night after a dinner party at Rocco's apartment, Marie realized she couldn't find her sauce ladle. Marie urged Rocco to confront his mother about the missing ladle, so he e-mailed his mom saying, "I am not saying you took the sauce ladle and I am not  saying you didn't take the sauce ladle, but since you attended our dinner party, the sauce ladle has gone missing." The next morning, Rocco's mother responded with the following e-mail, "I am not saying you are sleeping with Marie and I am not saying you are not sleeping with Marie but if Marie was sleeping in her own bed, she would've found the sauce ladle by now." The second story involves a man who has been having sex with his wife for over 20 years without the lights on. Finally, one night, while they were in the middle of having sex, the wife switched on the light and saw her husband was using a dildo to enter her. Outraged, she demanded an explanation. Her husband responded, "O.K. I'll explain the toy. You explain the kids!"

Back To School With The Calamari Sisters is absolutely fabulous! It is a high energy show featuring extremely talented performers. You can't help but leave with a broad smile on your face. The only thing I wish is that the food items made during the show would be left out for audience members to nibble on. At the very least, The Calamari Sisters should slice up a two-foot-long sausage for their guests to enjoy. Sharing one's sausage, after all, is an Italian tradition! Don't miss this opportunity to meet Delphine & Carmella Calamari at Studio Theatre Long Island. Tickets can be purchased at or by calling 631-226-8400. For more information about The Calamari Sisters, visit and like their Facebook Page at 

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